Lamsa Bible:
Aramaic Peshitta Bible Repository
Converting to European English
With the implementation of the
Eurodollar underway in Europe these last few years, the European Union is trying
to find new ways to standardize practices in Europe.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be
the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other
possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in
plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf"
20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the
silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil
be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru! And zen world! Und efter ze fifz
yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.